Dark Dreams (Do You Believe?)

I've said it a few times before: I'm a wuss when it comes to horror movies, thrillers, scary stuff. I jump at nearly every unsuspected sound I hear. I'm afraid of the dark, for crying out loud! (You can ask my other half, if you don't believe me.) However, I have my reasons....

Tita Ol

Everyone dreams. Everyone tends to not remember their dreams. I remember most of mine, especially those that give me the chills (in my dreams and in real life). In 1993, I dreamed of a giant hand drawing a huge snowflake on top of the town I was living in. Before anything was reported on the news, I was grabbing extra groceries during my family's shopping day. Next thing we knew, the blizzard of 1993 hit hard. Same thing happened in 1995. In the same year, my godmother, Tita Ol (Olga), was due to delivery her baby boy in November. My mom went up to Canada and came back with a different feel about her. I was told I wasn't allowed to go visit. One night - in my dreams, my godmother popped out of nowhere and kept repeating, "I love you. Don't be scared. You'll be okay. I'm going to rest now." I woke up, crying and screaming for her, only to find her standing at the foot of my bed, smiling and crying back at me. That morning, we got the phone call from Canada that she had passed away. Things didn't stop there for me....


A few years later, I dreamed of a young man chatting with my great uncle, Lolo Ming, who had passed away beforehand. I didn’t recognize the guy, but when my family got a call from an uncle in the Northeast, I knew it had to be him. Sure enough, I recognized the guy in my dream at the funeral. He was my cousin, seventeen-year-old Manny, who just dropped dead the day after I had dreamed about him and my Lolo Ming. Manny didn’t stop with one dream. On the way home to Virginia, he was the “narrator” of a double sequence dream. One scenario, two outcomes: (1) I was sleeping with my head on the door, and I was injured in a crash; (2) I had my head on the luggage, and I was fine. Just as I shifted my head from the door to the luggage in reality, I heard my parents shout profanity, the scraping of metal on metal and a flutter of something. I open my eyes to find a teenager and his mom jumping out of their pick-up - the kid scared as hell - my mom asking if I was okay, and a dent in the door I just had my head on. I looked up and saw feathers and stars drifting up and knew Manny had shielded me through my dreams.

My dreams never slammed me hard while I was in college. Probably because I had my courses, readings and assignments going through my head as I slept. However, when I took a two-year break between my second and third year, the dreams came storming back. In 2007, my great uncle, Lolo Tinoy, was in the hospital. My last visit with him, we were joking about Death and haunting. I told him, “You better not show up at the foot of my bed, tugging on my toes. I’ll scream.” His reply was a laugh and “I’ll be sure to do that.” One night, I dreamed we were having a drink together. (Since I was younger, Lolo Tinoy would ask me, “Rielle, are you old enough to drink yet?” with a joker smirk.) My dream was our first “legal” drink together. We were laughing, sharing stories; then, I heard his voice outside of my dream and felt someone tickling my foot. I sat straight up in bed and saw Lolo Tinoy standing at the foot of my bed, smiling, as I started crying. The next day – in the afternoon, I got the phone call.

My last dream in Tennessee was of the winter storm. I saw the ice on the roads, but I also saw my car driving down the icy roads, leaving a thawed trail behind. When the storm hit, and I had to go to work, I knew I was going to be fine. I gave the credit to “my skill” and “my knowledge” of driving in snow and ice, but the truth must come out! I was freaking out when I was actually driving. My dream was the thing that kept me going with confidence.

Polgas "Pol" Apo

Since my move from Tennessee to California, my dreams have taken a turn for the dark side. My parents told me that the family dog, Polgas (Pol for short), was starting to have some difficulties. Before I went to bed, I simply thought: Is he okay? That night, I dreamed of Pol running around at my parents’ house - full speed gallop like a horse - chasing after chickens, rabbits, deer, turkey. When I called out to him, he looked at me with big eyes and what seemed to be a smile that spread from ear to ear, barked and howled at me before disappearing into the woods by the creek. When he didn’t come back, I knew it was his time to go. I woke up with a wet pillow and a text message from my dad, saying: Pol’s at the vet. Vet recommend we put him to sleep. Will make decision on Monday after work. I didn’t have to read it to know Pol was ready to sleep.


A few weeks after Pol, my godfather's dad - Papa - showed up in my dream. He had been in the hospital for a while, and I knew Papa's time was coming, as he was over 90 years old, and he had been asking my cousin, CM, "Are you ready?" In my dream, Papa was as he was in the mid-1990s: round cheeks, all toothy smile, this silly sparkle in his eyes, and all he said was: "Rie, uwi na 'ko." (Rie, I'm going home now.) (Rie = Rielle = my nickname) When I checked my inboxes, I got a message from my cousin, CM, letting me know that Papa had passed away early afternoon in the Philippines.


My guilt is, nowadays, starting to reveal its sad and lonely face. All thanks to my dreams.

my friend's house in Tennessee

First, a two part dream sequence exposed: (1) strong wind and rain caused flooding and I drown; (2) strong wind and storm surges caused roofs collapsing, windows breaking, houses falling apart, and in the end, I was trapped under rubble. I watched California's weather, thinking the storm surges would hit the Central Coast pretty hard. Little did I expect that the storm surges would hit the Southeast with tornadoes. Two days after my dream sequence, I start reading Facebook updates about strong winds and hail storms in Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia, Virginia.... I kept my mouth shut. I'm not sure if it was from shock or from fear, but after seeing the destruction the storm surges left behind, I felt guilty for not saying something and for not warning anyone. (I do question: Would anyone believe me if I had said something?) Second, my latest reoccurring dream - more like nightmare has been haunting the darkness after I close my eyes to sleep. Someone among my connections (always a blurry shadow in my dreams) is doing something routine, just as I start getting into their routine and know what their next step is, something odd forces the person to do the odd thing instead of their routine step and drops dead after performing the odd step.


How does one suffering from sad guilt ease himself/herself? I threw myself out there. I cast a brief, vague warning to everyone about paying attention to details in their daily routine. Am I hoping to save someone? I'd love to help someone live a little longer, and I'd love to stop this nightmare from causing me distress. Is it the right thing to do? For me, yes, it is; however, some say that I shouldn't help anyone cheat Death. What am I supposed to do? Am I doing the right thing in warning people?


Only time will tell....


Until next time --